To My Family

The first thing I notice is the sun. How it shines so brightly, so beautifully on the things I love. Then its the warmth I feel when it hits my skin, sensations that may be irritable at times but in this moment, bring wholeness and gratitude. I close my eyes and take it in. All of it.

I open my eyes. My brother is sitting across from me. He smirks at whatever corny or obnoxious thing he had just said, then takes a sip of his beer and looks over at me, a big smile on his face. I smile back. It's always been hard not too. Jake is the contagious type. He always knows how to make people laugh or smile. I can tell it is something he values most in life, making other people around him happy, even when he doesn't feel that happiness himself.

I look over next to him and see my sister. The sun hits her face in the most perfect way. She reminds me a lot of the sun. Her light and beauty always shine through no matter the day. When I get to see her and talk to her, I automatically feel warmth in my heart. I remember all of the times I have tried to stay mad at her but couldn't and I feel guilty when I take away the light from her smile. It is through this light, her light, that I am able to break through much of the darkness in my life.

My dad sits next to me. His presence makes me feel safe and at home, something I have noticed since I was very little. He talks about life in present tense. There is no yesterday or tomorrow talking to him. I forget about all of the things that are hurting me when I am with my dad. He knows exactly the right words to say, at the right time. He knows that we have no business lurking in our past or our future. My dad is my hero, my rock. He doesn't have to know or even say anything when I am upset. A man of few words, but a man of love, a man of strength. He holds me together when I feel I am falling apart but he also lets me learn and live through my own mistakes. Looking at him now, it is incredible how much love I feel and how many wounds are healed. He looks over at me and the twinkle in his eyes is not a sign of beauty to me, but of hope.

My mom quietly sits on the other side of me. Her beauty is breathtaking. When I see my mom, I see who I want to become. The way she holds herself together and never strays away from her core values. She is not quick to judge and she greets everyone she meets with a warm smile. My mom has been through so much recently. Losing both of her parents within a year of each other. Looking at her now, she emulates an impeccable amount of strength. The kind of strength that I would be grateful for even an ounce of. I look to my mom when I feel weak and tired. I look to my mom when I want to quit or give up. I look to my mom when the world feels like its falling apart. I look to my mom because in those moments of weakness, of exhaustion, she is a constant reminder that life is so precious. Life is so fragile. Life is a gift and we get to choose how we live it. My mom is a gift, that more often than not, I don't think I deserve. She looks over at me and her eyes say, "Everything is going to be okay". And as cliche as it sounds, I can't help but believe her.

It is in moments like these that I just want to press pause. I just want to stay in the moment forever. I just want to stay and let the sun shine. It is in moments like these that I don't feel pain and I don't remember the hurt or the worries. It is in moments like these that I look at my family and feel eternally thankful. I feel whole and I remember my values, I remember that everything actually is okay.

I wrote this is one of my journals immediately after a family dinner one night. We all spent hours at dinner together and then finished the night off with singing and dancing in our three season room. I remember vividly the feeling of writing it all down knowing that it was something I would greatly appreciate when I was away from home. I knew that if I wrote down the details, I would be able to re-live the moment or feel those feelings once again whenever I was sad or lonely.

Family means everything to me. I am not me without my family.

That is why I created this post. Not only did I want to be able to look back at this post for comfort but I also wanted to encourage anyone reading to think about the things you love about your family. During those times of fighting and bickering, it is so important to remember that they are still your family and they are the people that are going to be related to you no matter what. They are the ones who are going to pick you up when you fall, push you to be your best, support your ups and downs, take care of your kids and most importantly, love you.

Lets spread the love today. Go and tell your family that you love them and let them love you too.

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory"- Dr. Seuss

Until Next Time,

Lo:)